Why You Should Hire a Male Wedding Photographer: 7 Completely Unbiased Reasons

Let's just get this out of the way: There are amazing male wedding photographers. There are amazing female wedding photographers. There are terrible male wedding photographers. There are terrible female wedding photographers.

Whether your wedding photographer has a Y chromosome should probably rank somewhere below Do I love this person's photographs? and Can I tolerate having this person follow me around for eight hours?

So yes, this is satire. Mostly.

But if you've found this article because you're actually wondering whether you should hire a male wedding photographer, allow me—as a male wedding photographer—to present 7 completely unbiased reasons why the answer is obviously yes.

1. I WON'T JUDGE YOUR WEDDING DRESS

Worried your wedding photographer might secretly have opinions about your dress, your flowers, your shoes, your centerpieces, or that particular shade of beige you spent three months choosing?

Hire a man.

I won't even notice your dress. I mean, I'll see it, obviously, and think, Oh look, she's in her dress. I should probably get pictures of that.

But you could tell me your dress cost $8,000 or that you found it on display near the register at TJ Maxx and I'd believe you either way.  

I will, however, tell you it's beautiful.

And I'll mean it.

Same goes for your flowers.

Peonies? Dahlias? Ranunculus?

Those are words I have heard.

Honestly, there's a decent chance I'd water your fake flowers if you left me alone with them long enough.

Just point me toward the bouquet and I'll make it look beautiful.

2. I WILL NOT HIT ON THE GROOM

I realize this is a remarkably low bar for professional wedding photography.

Nevertheless, I can personally guarantee it.

Your groom is safe with me.

In fact, one of the benefits of hiring a male wedding photographer is that I can usually walk into a room full of groomsmen, introduce myself, and within about five minutes, everybody forgets they're supposed to be having their pictures taken.

That's exactly what I want.

A lot of guys don't particularly enjoy being photographed. They don't want 45 minutes of instructions about where to put their hands. They don't want to gaze thoughtfully through a window while contemplating marriage.

They want me to take the damn picture so they can get back to whatever they were doing.

I understand this.

We have an arrangement.

3. I WON'T TELL YOU ABOUT THE smoking PICTURES

What happens with the groomsmen stays with the groomsmen.

At least until I deliver the gallery.

There is a point at many wedding receptions (about 25 minutes before the ties relocate from the neck to the forehead) when someone produces cigars, bourbon, or some other object that causes a group of otherwise respectable married men to suddenly believe they are members of the Rat Pack.

And I will be there for it.

Several weeks later you'll discover that while you were on the dance floor, your husband and his friends apparently recorded the cover of a 1963 jazz album behind the reception hall.

Those pictures are usually fantastic.

4. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHETHER YOUR WEDDING DECOR IS TACKY

This is one of my greatest professional strengths.

You spent six months deciding between ivory and champagne table linens? 

Wonderful.

I have no idea which one you picked.

Apparently there are wedding trends involving flowers, centerpieces, table settings, invitations, candles, and dozens of other things that come and go every few years.

I remain blissfully unaware of all of them.

That means I arrive at your wedding with no preconceived opinion about whether your decorations belong on a trending Pinterest board or on a folding table at the VFW.

5. I UNDERSTAND THE GROOM WHO HATES HAVING HIS PICTURE TAKEN

This one is serious.

There are people who love having a camera pointed at them.

And then there are men.

I have met plenty of grooms who would rather paint their garage walls on the hottest day of the year than participate in a 45-minute portrait session.

That's okay. I get it.

Good wedding photography shouldn't require you to become a different person for the day.

I'll give you direction when you need it. I'll put you somewhere the light is good. I'll fix something when it looks wrong. I'll get the portraits your wife is going to want 30 years from now.

Then I'll leave you alone.

6. I am my own drone

Wedding photographers are constantly looking for different angles. 

Sometimes you shoot low.

Sometimes you shoot through something.

Sometimes you climb on a chair.

At 6'6", I have been blessed with a built-in overhead photography system.

Need a photograph over a crowded dance floor?

Done.

Want everybody visible in a giant group photograph?

I'm already halfway there.

You want a dress shot?

I've hung dresses from places other photographers have only dreamed of.

7. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WEDDING RULES

You can wear black in June. Put the bridesmaids in different colors. Skip the bouquet toss. Have donuts instead of cake. Let your dog be your best man.

Someone at your wedding will probably have an opinion about it.

It won't be me.

I have exactly two wedding rules:

• Follow the light.
• Make sure the lens cap is off.

Everything else will work itself out.

SO, SHOULD YOU ACTUALLY HIRE A MALE WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER?

Probably not just because he's male.

And you probably shouldn't hire a female wedding photographer because she's female either.

Hire the photographer whose work will best tell your story.

Hire someone who can show you beautiful photographs in churches, dark reception halls, bright sunlight, rain, and all the other conditions that don't appear in a carefully curated Instagram feed.

Hire someone experienced enough that when your timeline falls 30 minutes behind, Uncle Rob disappears during family pictures, and the reception hall turns down the lights to approximately the brightness of a coal mine, he doesn't panic.

Most importantly, hire someone you actually like.

Your wedding photographer is going to be around you for a huge portion of one of the most personal days of your life. Personality and comfort matter. So do experience, consistency, and style.

Male or female has very little to do with any of that.

But if you happen to be looking for a male wedding photographer in Cincinnati, I know a guy.

He's 6'6", doesn't know a ranunculus from a rhododendron, won't hit on your groom, and knows nothing about any cigar pictures.

Most importantly, he'll give a damn about telling your story.

LOOKING FOR A CINCINNATI WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER?

I photograph weddings throughout Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky, with an approach built around strong portraits, real moments, and a calm unobtrusive presence.

I'll direct things when they need directing and disappear into the background when they don't.

And yes, I'll tell you your dress is beautiful.

Even if I have no idea why.